Spending money to buy a dog and taking it to the vet and for walks, belonged to “white” culture. Even if you apply any kind of lotion and straighten your hair you will never be white,”

Jacob Zuma has tacitly endorsed the controversial Traditional Courts Bill, telling chiefs not to buy into the legal practices of “the white man”. Speaking at the opening of the National House of Traditional Leaders in parliament yesterday, Zuma said Africans had their own way of solving their problems .

After warning that black South Africans were losing respect for tribal chiefs by becoming “too clever”, President Jacob Zuma has vowed to fight cleverness in all its forms. “I will not rest on my leopard tails until I have rid myself, my family, the ANC and all South Africa of cleverness,” “Cleverness puts ideas in people’s heads, and before you know it they are asking where their tax money goes, and then you have anarchy,” said Zuma. He urged black citizens to be on the lookout for the first symptoms of cleverness in their communities. But, he said, he and the ANC would triumph. “Non-cleverness shall prevail! Liberation before contemplation! Riches before reason! Thuggery before thought! Amandla!”

On how long the ANC will rule: “God expects

[the ANC] to rule this country because we are the only organisation which was blessed by pastors when it was formed. It is even blessed in Heaven. That is why we will rule until Jesus comes back.

On preventing HIV: “[a shower]… would minimise the risk of contracting the disease.”

Is crime too high is SA? “Our media, which is very open and report on really everything, tend to exaggerate the crime issue…This is why one gets the impression that we have much more crime than other countries.”

Why vote for ANC? “[Those who vote for the ANC will be] blessed on earth and heaven (sic)”

Lastly ‘‘South Africa is safe in my hands